Goodbye Plaster Cast

Freedom is finally within my grasp. Tomorrow they’re removing the pins from my wrist and I get to see if this has all be worthwhile, and also just how much more recovery I have to do. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, although I am looking forward to getting rid of the cast once and for all.

These last few weeks have been challenging, my patience has been wafer thin – which, as I said to my husband – has a lot to do with how frustrated I am with myself than anything to do with Pippin.

Pip herself has become more inquisitive and more determined to do things for herself than ever before and that has been challenging.

It’s been the first time that she’s reached for her dad over me, and even the breastfeeding has started to decrease. It’s hard not to read into that a reflection of how she’s feeling about me right now.

I’ve found myself saying no an awful lot, which I know is a pointless exercise because things go a lot more smoothly if I talk to her calmly and face to face! I even found myself, after telling her four times in a row not to pull the seedlings up, that she wasn’t allowed in the garden anymore.

Way to go on an idle threat, and also not really the parenting style I strive for.

So I’m feeling a bit fraught, guilty and sore. I know my shortness of temper comes from feeling out of control. I’ve caught myself shouting in frustration at my inability to do my hair, or buttons – or even when Argos wouldn’t confirm my transaction. This isn’t me. I’m not serene by any stretch, but I’m not usually so tense.

I’m just trying to remember that Pip isn’t being naughty, that she’s learning all the time and following the naturally inquisitive nature we are working to foster. I also have to remember to cut myself some slack, I’m sore and things are a little more difficult right now. I’ve never been very good at letting go of things, or delegating  so I’m very much on edge, but sometimes you have to remember to rest and heal.

And if Pip is learning all the time then so am I. Each stage of her development is a new stage in motherhood for me and we’re both taking this journey into the unknown together.

 

Why I try not to say no

I’m going to start this whole post by saying it doesn’t always work. Sometimes, a sharp ‘no’ just slips out; sometimes I’ll admit it is during one of my daughter’s screaming tantrums, but by and large we don’t say no to her – unless it is really necessary.

When Pippin began showing all the signs of a baby about to crawl I floated the idea to my husband of minimising our use of the word ‘no’. Every indication led me to believe that Pippin was going to be a wilful little girl, and my experience of wilful little girls includes the liberal use of the word ‘no’, usually unheeded.

The thing is you need something that gets their attention. In a potentially dangerous situation you want their attention fast, and if no is something you hear multiple times a day then it just loses all its meaning.

That’s not to say we don’t have limits, or prevent her from doing things, because we do, we just phrase it slightly differently.

We talk a lot about ‘gentle hands’. She can be very heavy handed, as most toddlers are, so if she is we get down to her level and explain about being gentle.

We’ve talked to her a lot about not touching the oven and hob, because it is hot and would hurt, and shown her the steam. As of yet she hasn’t tried to touch it, and obviously she’s never alone near it anyway. She does point and tell me it’s hot (ot, ot) whenever she sees it.

Whereas when she picked up a stone and went to put it in her mouth, and mummy shouted ‘no’ she stopped. Immediately. She also cried and I felt bloody awful, but it did avert a situation that could have been dangerous. A cuddle and an explanation solved the tears anyway.

No, for us, will always be reserved for occasions where it is really needed.