Baby Clothes and Tears

We are really, actually really this time, on the final stages of the renovation. I could actually do a happy dance and I probably will when we get over the finish line.

My job for today was to start unpacking some of the many boxes of crap that we packed up on our retreat from the building site. I’ve made a little promise to myself that only things I love or we need will find places in our home again. I can’t be bother to have all the stuff cluttering up everywhere again, especially since the small one now has plenty of stuff of her own to take up space.

As Pip has moved up through the sizes I carefully washed and folded her old clothes, packing them away in boxes labelled by size. Lots of clothes, more clothes frankly than she has ever actually worn.

Why? I couldn’t tell you. After the trauma of having her, and the near certainty that I will develop gestational diabetes again meaning they want me under their care from pre-conception my husband and I have decided that we are one and done, as far as biological children go.

I don’t plan on having another pregnancy, and yet I’ve kept my maternity clothes. Something in me didn’t want to let go, and today as I folded the tiny vests and pairs of leggings I felt a really deep sadness. Maybe it is because I know we possibly would have more if circumstances were different. I don’t know.

So this huge pile of clothes will be working its way to new homes, hopefully to be used by new mums and babies. Which is admittedly a much better use for it than sitting in plastic boxes in my loft. I look at it that it’s good for the environment too, or something.

I know my husband feels sad too, he came and hugged me as I sat in a sea of soft jersey and tiny jeans. Our baby has grown so very fast, it is hard to remember her being so small.

I have kept some bits, hand knitted cardigans and some of my favourite outfits. I don’t know if that is silly or not, but I wasn’t quite ready to let go of everything yet.

Another thing struck me after I took this picture. I really, really have to stop buying her clothes!

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