It has been really difficult to say how I have felt about this pregnancy so far, in fact its really difficult to write this post now!
People who know me very well don’t tend to ask this, but with people I don’t know that well (because we all know pregnancy is the time for all sorts of intimate questions!) it is pretty much the first thing I’m asked: “Were you trying?”. The conversation continues in the same way each time:
Me: No, it was a complete surprise.
Well-meaning Acquaintance: A nice surprise though.
Me: *Nods vehemently*
Yes, it is a nice surprise, especially considering our history. But it hasn’t been easy, in fact I’m not sure when I have had a harder few months. Although I don’t mind people telling me it must have been a nice surprise, when I’m exhausted or unwell or have spent four hours waiting at the walk-in centre I don’t necessarily want to be told that.
As I wrote before we found out in the first week of January that I was pregnant. I started my new job on the 4th. We thought I must be around seven weeks gone then.
Midway through that week I had an appointment with the emergency doctor due to cramping and a bleed. So I got booked in at the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU) for the following week. At the EPU they told me that I was so early, somewhere between 4 and 5 weeks, that they couldn’t see what might be causing the bleeds, so I had to come back two weeks later. Although we were lucky enough to see the little bundle of cells or, more accurately, the yolk sack.
The last Sunday in January and I ended up at the emergency GP again because I was really ill with what I suspected was a urine infection, I was going to wait until midweek to see my GP but had another bleed on the Sunday morning so off we went. After a hellish wait we saw a lovely dr and I got some medication, but I was so poorly I ended up having a week of work.
The following Friday we were back up at the EPU for a follow-up scan and baby, who is clearly a little fighter, was doing well. The Dr put me at about 8+4 pregnant and there was a nice strong heartbeat.
Monday after I was back at the GP again, after they called me in due to back pain as they were afraid the infection may not have cleared and was actually up in my kidneys. Turns out I was lucky it wasn’t a kidney infection, it was just Pelvic Girdle Pain (PGP) setting in early. So I got some exercises and sent on my merry way.
A switch to flat shoes, more supportive bras and a chair with lumbar support helped a little. Plus my sickness died down a little and I was able to eat more regularly. Though I was still throwing up my pregnancy vitamin half the time, and hadn’t been able to keep down the medication I’m supposed to take twice a day for an ongoing medical problem since getting pregnant. But things were looking better, and I was feeling brighter.
Then I ended up back at the Dr’s on the 1st March, again with severe cramping (though thankfully no bleed this time) and the symptoms of, what I thought, was a pretty nasty cold. It had come on pretty swiftly, between the late afternoon of the 29th and the morning of the 1st I gained hot, burning eyes, a splitting headache, aches all over, a nasty chesty cough and the cramps that were really concerning me.
As it turned out my ‘cold’ was actually the flu. Luckily the Dr thought the baby was fine, and even if it hadn’t been since I was only 12+3 there wasn’t much they could do about it anyway. However he advised I rested. To be honest, I don’t know if you’ve ever had flu, but there’s not really much you can do apart from rest! This culminated in another few days off work whilst I recovered. The cramps passed pretty quickly, and possibly had more to do with me not getting my medication than anything else.
I am complaining a bit, I know, but I was expecting to have some problems with sickness, but I wasn’t expecting to be so run down all of the time! The sickness, though horrible, has been pretty mild – nausea most days and actual vomiting every couple of days – so I know I have been lucky there. The exhaustion has been really limiting though, and the hormones have been horrific, plus I’ve spent a large amount of my early pregnancy poorly.
Not to mention just how afraid and anxious I have been the whole time. They still haven’t identified a reason for those early bleeds, though the best guess is that it had more to do with the urine infection than the baby. I’m not sure I will believe its all going to be ok until I am much, much further along than I am.